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(00)(ii)

(00)(ii)

$19,438.00

(00)

15. PRE-CLOSE

phideyuki(ii): it looks as if they are posing, maybe not actually but just practicing, for that big one-last-time mug-shot-in-the-sky, just like us. i'm gonna go in there, i'll tell you outright, like the god-damned (00)! i'm laying it on the line right here, but that's just me. when hä comes to me, .. sets me up before the big lights against the white wall with black horizontal lines .. they're glaring into my face like the revelation of something important, .. one of här attendants assigns me a number, maybe o\054593 or something like that, i'm going to say i extolled här name till i drank my bitter cup of coffee to the dregs, .. hä'll look at me .. say, yeah, hä succeeded. hä fought .. died for that pretend reality which is real real real. .. if i'm running .. i get to the end of our shores, i'll just say, watch out!, i'm coming through!
chaur(00): just like the mystery man, huh?
phideyuki(ii): hä was somewhat vain, hä always was, .. i told här that to här face .. hä dedicated här major (00) to me, because hä knew that i was right.
they stand contemplatingly contemplating the pictures on the wall. capt. r. is somewhere else now, probably in the portraiture room where hä tends to be drawn, more often than not, usually in a pose of introspection with a strong line. phideyuki(ii), on the other hand, is super-hyped .. drunk .. dragging around a. chaur(00) .. bear lecturing them on the so-called finer points of image theory.
phideyuki(ii): no no no, that picture- that picture's about ideeee-as. do you understand it? what is it?
the 3 of them stand in front of a 48 by 60 acrylic painting, a portrait of 2 friends at a wedding. hä's holding mini-carnations .. hä's dressed in black. they're standing side by side close together .. there's a little gap between their heads .. their bodies but then at the top their heads sort of merge together in abstracted fusional connection. här head is turned a bit as if hä's trying to pull away but hä is still .. calm.
phideyuki(ii): you see, it's about an idea. certainly it's brilliantly fucking pretty .. all but that's irrelevant, not really important at all. you see it's this idea, in a general sense, but specific, too. this idea of how no matter how much you disconnect yourself from someone, no matter how much you try to pull away, there always remains a connection, diminishing perhaps but un-erasable.
a. chaur(00): what was här name?
phideyuki(ii): there's no way of knowing, but hä went by the moniker the long arm of justice, except every once in a while for variety hä'd switch it to the short arm of insanity, but those ones are kind of hard to come by. i think hä considered härself a (000000) but that's really just pure idle speculation.
behind them a group of school-children passes by, dragging their feet in happy boredom. a middle-aged lady sits, becoming one with här chair, in front of the erased drawing. hä pulls a passing security guard over with här eye-contact, .. conspiratorially, just-between-the-2-of-us-like leans over to här, a kind of morose but exceptionally handsome fellow whose white rubber uniform pants don't quite reach här ankles, .. hä whispers to här,
middle-aged lady: i think the hardest part- …would be knowing when it's finished.
.. hä looks at här for a moment, .. leaning down as if convinced of the eventual triumph of their movement, whispers back to här,
exceptionally handsome security guard: rock you,
.. hä walks on past, intent conscientiously on här task of defending the universe, radio in här ear to prove it.
a. chaur(00): was hä celebrated in här own time?

phideyuki(ii): hä was, but not for här paintings, which were pretty much ignored by the critics .. popular media alike. it was här bodily fluid series which made här reputation. at 1st hä used the images as a means to constructing an elaborately coded language by means of which hä formed messages, but hä quickly realized that the power of the effect derived from the pure visual splendor of här fluids .. abandoned the communicative aspect of the project as unnecessary.
bear: what kind of messages?
phideyuki(ii): i don't know. my researches have as of yet left me unable to decode them. shit, getting any sort of prolonged peek at them isn't easy. they're pretty fucking rare .. priceless .. kept under close lock .. key.
a. chaur(00): so, then hä stopped constructing messages?
phideyuki(ii): yeah, hä went completely imagistic with it. .. that's when it started really stopping the presses. what you have to understand is that this was not just your average typical bodily fluid, it's really a fuckingly .. amazingly pretty phenomenon, unrivaled in the purely expressive power of its composition. it quickly gave rise to a whole school of fluidists revolving around its central premise but not one of these inimical devotees was able to match the long arm's unique intensity. but it did lead to important progress eventually, just not through the avenue of the imitators but rather through artists like c. .. j. who took from it the idea that what is considered most ugly in its most typical examples can be the most beautiful in those rare exceptional exceptions- what they did was to take this idea .. start looking for other examples of material entities for which this might be the case- .. then you had artists like f. .. r., too, whose response was one of opposition, saying alright if you're going to blow everyone away taking it to that extreme, fine, we won't try to compete on that ground, but what if you didn't(?), what happens then? so what they did was to search out the most perfect archetypal examples of fruits .. vegetables .. the like .. present them as art, setting up what the press liked to play off as a violent opposition between camps, .. what-not, but if the truth be known really more of a wink-wink type dialogue between artists possessed of both great admiration .. great jealousy for one another's work, .. they called themselves the good .. fruities, leading to the fluidist school at times to go unofficially aka as the good .. plenties. this was funny, by the way, i think, because it led to the name of the documentary, a documentary made later on the subject, looking back on its cultural influence, being called "the good .. fruity, the good .. plenty, .. the ugly," which is probably a pretty forced .. dumb pun but fuck it, i'm feeling way too ecstatically verbose .. it's valid data .. i'm kind of fond of it.
bear: in the past i've always thought this would be a nice place for a tea party, what do you think?
bear says this as they wander into the next room of paintings.
chaur(00): well,- huh- yes, i suppose it would be. at least as good as that spot we had the last one, that ballroom type place. .. that was pretty nice.
phideyuki(ii): why did we come here?
här face looks a bit pinkish .. flushed.
chaur(00): remember, you said we should take a break, just relax for a bit, have some fun.
phideyuki(ii): oh yeah.

bear tears through the galleries at true rapidissmo speed, close .. ever so closely at the heels of phideyuki(ii).

phideyuki(ii): ha ha ha copper. you'll never catch me.
bear: you're in my sights now, bitch!
.. bear raises a half-cocked finger into the air .. squeezes off 3 nice quick ones. the truth is, though, it's more for effect than anything else because with här arm bouncing around as much as it is as hä runs hä'd be lucky to hit a gimlet in a windmill. phideyuki(ii) laughs snidely just to try to unnerve här pursuer, but bear's a pretty cool customer .. has dealt with far more hardened criminals than this before. they skid around another corner struggling to keep their feet beareath them on the smooth floor. priceless works of art .. flotsam jet past them on each side until sometimes its even hard to tell whether that was just a (00) or a (00) or a (00) that just flipped past. they pass a woman who is carrying in här purse a small dog with a ski cap that's pushed closely over här eyes so that hä looks somewhat circumspect, .. the woman glares at them with the far-greatest sense of superiority concerning här awareness of proper museum decorum. phideyuki(ii) .. bear blow around another corner but this time only to be stopped dead short by a tall .. awkwardly legacious security guard with bobbed pale white hair, hands on hips, glaring at them with all the power invested in här at här immediate disposal. här white rubber uniform makes them tremble with fear.
awkwardly legacious security guard: what?!
hä says so very calmly .. quietly,
awkwardly legacious security guard: what do you think you're doing.
our 2 protagonists look shame faced .. embarrassed, eyes down before här.
phideyuki(ii): i- i can speak only for myself- i don't know about this hooligan here- but i was fighting for freedom .. justice over tyranny.
bear lets escape a muffled guffaw.
bear: no, no, madam, that will not do. that is simply a lie, or least a most definite misrepresentation. this pathetic excuse for a woman that you see before you is a criminal- .. a rather poorly skilled one at that- .. hä tried to steal the (00), .. i, your highness, i am the noble policeman chasing här to bring här back to här ignominious fate at the hands of our well-constructed courts of law.
awkwardly legacious security guard: i see. so you were playing cops .. robbers, huh?
hä looks at them with upturned face .. stern lips.
hä taps slowly at här black plastic radio in hand.
awkwardly legacious security guard: do you have any idea the power i'm holding in my hand right now? one touch of this button, one little, "oh mr. supervisor, we have a little 1060 here," or rather, since there's 2 of you "we have a little 2120 here," .. you 2 little pimped out geeks would be spending the rest of your pathetic little lives composing copy for the sanitation board. is that what you want? is that what you aspire to in life?
giving them a little squinched-up glare.
awkwardly legacious security guard: because i can make that happen for you, you little children you.
they bow their heads even lower.
phideyuki(ii): no, no, we promise we won't do it again. we'll be-a-have, i promise.
with a flick of här iron-like hand hä frees them from här terrible judgment .. they turn .. run away like banshees, thankful for each .. every liberated step.

bear: never in the realms have i seen such luck. we were done for. where would we have escaped to. has hä gone?

the school children float about aimlessly.
the music swells with drums .. violins .. cellos.
phideyuki(ii) .. bear separate .. phideyuki(ii) walks about somewhat peripatic-like through the stark hallways of the museum in här white comme des garcons yamabushi uniform with black outline. här intrepid, weak eyes stare at the art pieces vaguely. här hä carries only a small pocketbook, a parting gift of asef.
in a segue between galleries hä meets under circumstance a group of schoolchildren gathered round a large dark man with thick glasses.
the schoolchildren are child-like (.. in fact child) adherents of the aufbauhaus school, 13 of them aged between 8 .. 12, .. they wander the museum dressed in variously colored uniforms .. in surreptitious-fashion at random intervals yell "ha!" at the patrons: blue pink red mint green .. yellow. the man wears a white yu-hsieh uniform black outline. the schoolchildren have captured här .. indoctrinated här as their champion .. are forcing här to walk the museum with them.
phideyuki(ii): how could this have happened to you?
mirk: it's not always possible to predict sufficiently random events.
phideyuki(ii): shit, man, i haven't seen you like this since you were being attacked by the recivisionists. you look kind of glum.
mirk: eh, well, it's just my feet. i've been walking around with these god-damn kids all god-damn day long. my feet are killing me .. i'm starting to feel it in the shoulders. not a bad uniform, though, eh?
phideyuki(ii): well, yes, it's the fucking bomb. where'd you acquire it?
mirk: actually it was a gift from my nephews .. nieces. they claimed that my old one was starting to look a bit worn .. out-of-date.
phideyuki(ii): hmmm, well, that was quite perceptive of them actually.
mirk: tell me about it. i hear you .. unger are on speaking terms again. what's behind that?
phideyuki(ii): we're working a deal together.
mirk: must be something big. i don't know, eh, you think maybe i could get a piece of the action?
phideyuki(ii): not this time mirk, sorry. we've already got our plans pretty much in place. i'll give you a call next time.
mirk: yeah, don't worry about it.
the schoolchildren look at phideyuki(ii) suspiciously.

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